Strengths and Weaknesses
As a person who grew up surrounded by emotionally strong women, and having developed strength myself over the years, I never really knew what it was to feel vulnerable an this is what I'm experiencing these days. It's completely foreign to me and I'm at a loss as to how to deal with it. My usual barging into fix-it mode isn't possible at the moment because of my physical limitations and depression but I still try to summon up the strength the pre-stroke Jacko relied on.
I spend far too much time alone with my thoughts nowadays and find them wandering to places they've never been allowed to go before, such as regret. It's long been my belief that regret is a dangerous and useless activity because the things regretted can't be changed. It's all too easy to regret previous decisions while living with my current situation though. One regret is the sale of my condo, which seemed right at the time as I truly believed I wasn't coming back from Scotland. I miss it though because I don't like the apartment I'm renting at the moment. Out of loneliness, I sometimes regret letting my marriage go so easily. I've always enjoyed the company and conversation of my former husband. However, that decision was the right one at the time and everyone was happier for it. I've spent nearly 10 years relishing my single state but now I feel ready to be part of a couple again. I miss knowing someone's coming home every night and miss the companionship. Those are things that could be easily resolved by getting a roommate but I don't want to share my living space. There's no bloody pleasing me!
Happily, a new little girl has joined our family and, as one of her grannies, I'll try to pass on some of my strengths to her by example because she's such a dear little thing that I can't bear to think of her suffering the hurts and disappointments we all have to experience in order to cultivate our own strengths.
I'll try to be like the grannie I was lucky enough to have in my own life. Little Emma couldn't have a better role model than my Grannie Cox, a little Welsh dynamo with an iron will and plenty of courage.
I spend far too much time alone with my thoughts nowadays and find them wandering to places they've never been allowed to go before, such as regret. It's long been my belief that regret is a dangerous and useless activity because the things regretted can't be changed. It's all too easy to regret previous decisions while living with my current situation though. One regret is the sale of my condo, which seemed right at the time as I truly believed I wasn't coming back from Scotland. I miss it though because I don't like the apartment I'm renting at the moment. Out of loneliness, I sometimes regret letting my marriage go so easily. I've always enjoyed the company and conversation of my former husband. However, that decision was the right one at the time and everyone was happier for it. I've spent nearly 10 years relishing my single state but now I feel ready to be part of a couple again. I miss knowing someone's coming home every night and miss the companionship. Those are things that could be easily resolved by getting a roommate but I don't want to share my living space. There's no bloody pleasing me!
Happily, a new little girl has joined our family and, as one of her grannies, I'll try to pass on some of my strengths to her by example because she's such a dear little thing that I can't bear to think of her suffering the hurts and disappointments we all have to experience in order to cultivate our own strengths.
I'll try to be like the grannie I was lucky enough to have in my own life. Little Emma couldn't have a better role model than my Grannie Cox, a little Welsh dynamo with an iron will and plenty of courage.
posted by Jacki | 8:53 PM
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