Notes From Strokeworld

Well - no more Botox for me. My doctor has recently helped me realize that all the Botox in the world isn't going to regenerate the neurons controlling my arm and hand and murdered by the stroke. This just confirms what the Scottish neurologist told me: I'll never regain function in the left arm and hand. This means I must give up on my dream to live independently because, although I've adapted very well and can do countless things with my right hand, there are still some things that have to be done with two. Fortunately, I'm quite satisfied with my living situation. I have a lovely brand new apartment in a beautiful building set in gorgeous grounds, with staff to help me with everything I need. The staff, for the most part, are wonderful and very kind to me. Most of them spoil me shamelessly and I let them of course, little princess that I am. I'm also pleased to report that the depression is less of a problem these days. I still cry floods of tears though.....more good news from Doctor Cheerful is that this is unlikely to stop because of the extent of my brain damage. However, my specialist, who sees many stroke survivors, told me he thinks I cope very well because others with my limitations would have to be in a nursing home for extended care.

Notwithstanding the little problems, I've got a lot to be thankful for and feel more like my old pre-stroke self these days. If only I could see Meredith and Emma, things would be almost perfect now that I've accepted I'll never be the same as I used to be and this is definitely my new life. I saw Meredith and Emma a few months ago when Evan was here and it felt wonderful to have my family around me again.

Today is the first time in a long time that I've been able to use my computer because of internet problems and a dead battery. It was almost like those first weeks back in Edinburgh except I was able to skip the BT frustration this time.

Next time I'll tell you stories about some of the old trouts who live in this building (some of whom look like they need extended care).